I work a lot. There are days when I work for 10 days straight, day off, then another 7 days of work. During those times, I’m expected to be fast, alert, and sociable. I work at a fast-paced place which means that I cannot give in to my anxiety and depressive thoughts. However, when my day off come, when I’m alone in my apartment, I feel everything fall down apart and that’s when I feel all my curbed emotions come out. The bad thoughts come out and then the tears then the sadness then the emptiness. If someone asks me what emptiness feels like, it’s literally like nothing is left within you and you have no emotion. There are days when I feel numb and those are the days that I need my Me Time.
My Me Time are my days where I want to be left alone. I don’t answer texts nor calls. I don’t want to socialize with anyone. It’s those days that I would want to be with my thoughts and by myself. I mostly stay at home, watch movies and clean the whole place. If I must go out for groceries or something, I have my headphones on and less friendly than usual. These are also the days where I tend to buy alcohol and treat myself.
A lot of people doesn’t understand this though. Some people would get upset if I say no to them when they invite me out. They would ask if I have plans and I would say, “Yes, sleep”. They would judge me as being KJ to their plans but this is me taking care of my sanity. I am an introvert. Although I am sociable and talks lot, at the end of the day, I enjoy being by myself and the quiet time.
My Me Times will always be a part of me and no one can disturb that.