Life Derailed

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I grew up thinking that I could be who I want to be if I put enough effort into it. When I was in elementary school, I fell in love with writing. I was chosen to be part of a group of students trained to be represent our school in the school journalism competition when I was in Grade 5. I was in Grade 6 when I finally represented the school as an Editorial writer. I did not win but the experience of being a novice journalist was enough for me to get interested in writing professionally.

 In high school, I tried to apply to be part of the school paper team. Perhaps my samples weren’t good enough and more students were way better than I was. I tried to apply twice but never made it even to the interview round. I did not want to give myself another heartbreak by junior year so I stopped hoping to get into that club and started writing for myself. I opened up a blog and habitually wrote on it. 

It was in high school where I fell in love with Science, most specifically, Genetics. Second quarter of second year, we talked about Genetics and I loved it. Most of my classmates hated it because it was ‘confusing’ but to me, it was the most interesting thing in the world. It was then that I realized that I didn’t want a desk job, I wanted a job where I can work in a lab and do different sorts of things with my hand. I could imagine myself stressing myself in a room filled with different machines and chemicals in my white lab gown. 

Third year high school came and  I became confused on what I really wanted to do in my life. I have thought about photography and fashion designing. Maybe acting? Even after getting my heart broken by not getting accepted into my school’s acting club, my passion for writing had not left me. I still joined a writing contest and won and kept my blog updated. So for that whole year, I kept in mind that maybe in this life, journalism is the way to go. 

Fourth year, senior year. I was busy as heck finishing different requirements for every subjects. On top of that, I had to study for the college entrance exams that I had to take. My parents started asking me what I wanted to do and I would answer, “Journalism or psychology”. Psychology may be a random thing to pop up but it was something that I got interested in while I was doing my term paper. It showed me that the human mind is a complex machine and I wanted to know more about it. However, for these two options, none of them apparently would allow me to earn a lot of money. I asked my parents money to pay for the application fee for UP, the school I wanted to journalism in. Up until the last day of the deadline to pay the fee, I asked my dad about it and got nothing. I wasn’t able to take the entrance exam for UP and still breaks my heart up to this day. 

My parents forced me to take up Nursing. It was that or no school. The only decision I was allowed to do was to choose that I was gonna enroll to. It was either CU, my mom’s alma matter, or XU, my dad’s alma matter. I chose XU because I graduated from its high school branch and knew that most of the people I knew would go there anyway. For two years, I did nursing and sabotaged myself. I wasn’t studying as hard as I should be and barely did magis. I didn’t fail but I also didn’t get high enough grades. I was the classic B- student. 

When I moved to Canada, I realized that I could do whatever I want. So I enrolled into a college as a science program student. I did that for two years and did shit. I wasn’t the high achieving student anymore from high school and my morale had been so broken ever since I was forced into Nursing. On top of that, I developed bad enough anxiety that I was recommended to take medication for. It was just an all around disaster for me. 

Presently, I applied to a trade school. I never though that my life is gonna be this way. I have debts that I have to pay and not even sure if I’ll at some point graduate with a university degree. I have learned to accept the reality and roll with it. Crying about it won’t help me but finding myself a hole to come out of can. I’m 23, young and ready to face the world. I just have to gather myself and tackle my future.

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