Author: Amerl

I'm a dreamer.

Why I Need a Me Time

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

I work a lot. There are days when I work for 10 days straight, day off, then another 7 days of work. During those times, I’m expected to be fast, alert, and sociable. I work at a fast-paced place which means that I cannot give in to my anxiety and depressive thoughts. However, when my day off come, when I’m alone in my apartment, I feel everything fall down apart and that’s when I feel all my curbed emotions come out. The bad thoughts come out and then the tears then the sadness then the emptiness. If someone asks me what emptiness feels like, it’s literally like nothing is left within you and you have no emotion. There are days when I feel numb and those are the days that I need my Me Time. 

My Me Time are my days where I want to be left alone. I don’t answer texts nor calls. I don’t want to socialize with anyone. It’s those days that I would want to be with my thoughts and by myself. I mostly stay at home, watch movies and clean the whole place. If I must go out for groceries or something, I have my headphones on and less friendly than usual. These are also the days where I tend to buy alcohol and treat myself. 

A lot of people doesn’t understand this though. Some people would get upset if I say no to them when they invite me out. They would ask if I have plans and I would say, “Yes, sleep”. They would judge me as being KJ to their plans but this is me taking care of my sanity. I am an introvert. Although I am sociable and talks lot, at the end of the day, I enjoy being by myself and the quiet time. 

My Me Times will always be a part of me and no one can disturb that.

Advertisements

Super Junior- One More Time (Otra Vez) [MV Reaction]

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

Super Junior had just released a new music video featuring another non-Korean musician, Reik. This is their third Latin-inspired feature song following Mamacita and the latest Lo Siento (featuring Leslie Grace). This is also Ryeowook’s first music video after his discharge from the military. Currently, 8 of the 11 active Super Junior members can be seen in the music video: Leeteuk, Heechul, Yesung, Shindong, Siwon, Eunhyuk, Donghae and Ryeowook.

The video teasers that they released prior to the music videos were enough for me to realize that they were already gonna do collaboration with another Spanish musician. I feel like they’re definitely riding in their newly ignited popularity within the Spanish-speaking ELF community. Reading through their comments that I couldn’t understand, I think it’s safe to say that most of them are excited and hyped up with the new music that Super Junior is releasing with another Spanish singer.

When the music video came out, I actually already listened to the song itself on Spotify. I couldn’t stop myself and I had to jam with it. I had to stop myself from watching the music video because this is Ryeowook’s comeback and I have to make it special. Ryeowook has always been one of my fave members because of his variety show guestings. Anyway, I decided to film everything!

REACTION

If I was just watching it alone, with no camera, I would have just shut up and savour the moment. But I wasn’t, so I had to say my first impressions and random comments.

One of the things that really surprised me about this music video is the appearance of Kim Heechul! I remember seeing a news a while back about him not being able to participate their filming in Macau because his injury had been hurting him. His leg injury is something that most kpop fans know as this is one the reasons why he had to only dance at near end of their songs or not participate at all. In one of the live versions of their hit song Sorry Sorry, he had a drum solo instead of dancing with the group. As he is older now and due to performing, I don’t think his leg has healed as well as it should which prompted him to take a step back from this comeback. But lo and behold, our great princess is in the music video! He did not dance or anything but just seeing his presence in the music video is enough for me.

The dance is not as flashy as most current boy groups. Maybe because they’re of the 2nd gen and definitely older. However, looking back at their previous MVs, they really didn’t have a very flashy dance steps but more on dynamic formations (we’ll leave the jumping around with SHINEe). However, Super Junior had always had that cool, gentlemanly feel to them which really aids them as they dance coolly to this song. They’ve always had the vibe of just chill and energetic at the same time which coincides with the whole feel of the song.

The band Reik is also a great partner to Super Junior. The singer’s voice did not feel foreign in comparison to the members of the group. The way he sounded felt like it really belonged and not something that they forced just to have someone sing the Spanish parts.

The music video is a visual fireworks. Different colours, scenes, dancing, flashing lights. My favourite scenes had to be the ones where they danced with some back up dancers. Because of the back-up dancers, it made me remember the time when there were 13 of them dancing on stage. The scenes looked crowded and it brought warmth to my heart.

Next time though, I’m really hoping that Sungmin could participate. He’s been gone for so long and it’s time for him to make some comeback. A lot of ELFs love him anyway and many would fight for him and his right to be in the spotlight.

One More Time (Otra Vez) by Super Junior is definitely a song that would make you dance and jam to. It’s a Latin music-inspired song that everyone should give a try and listen to.

How to Survive Your First Weeks at McDonalds

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

At some point in your job hunting, you’ve seen the ad for McDonalds. You clicked on it and saw the perks which includes free uniform and discounted meals. You applied for it because why not. Then suddenly, you got the call to do an interview then the orientation, and now you’re in the crew room, listening to every beeps of the machine and shouting of the crew.

McDonalds is a pretty good place to work, atleast based on my opinion. I’ve worked for McDonalds for two years now and two stores. When I left my first store, I told myself that I would leave the fast food business and go another route. But alas, I found myself applying to the closest McDonalds by my dorm and here I am, still working here.

The first month of working in McDonalds is definitely the most difficult part, as with most jobs. This is the time when you have to learn different steps of the job and work with everyone. Hopefully, this list can help you adjust better to the job.

  • Learn everyone’s name. Working at McDonalds means working with a whole lot of people. You’ve got your front counter team, drive thru team and kitchen team. It leads to easier communication and rapport between all team members. Also, it’s easier to call another crew member by name rather than “Hey” or “You”.
  • You won’t remember everything you’ve learned during training. Training in service consists of three 4-hour days and kitchen is two 4-hour days. In these days, you will be shown how to make drinks, punch order and prepare order (for service) or do grill and table (for kitchen). As a crew trainer, I wouldn’t expect you to memorize how to make all the McCafe drinks or sandwich boxes within the four hours that I trained you. The easiest thing to learn and master what you’ve been taught is to do it many times. Don’t be scared of asking other crew members for help.
  • Expect a lot of shouting. In your first few weeks, you might be still doubting yourself on whether or not to call a sandwich to kitchen even though you’ve waited for 500 seconds already. Then the crew beside you saw your timer and you just heard them call (shout) for the order and you realize you could have done that too 200 seconds ago. During rush hour, you’ll hear a lot of shouting and calling from DT, service and kitchen. Kitchen calling for their levels, service calling for their drinks and DT calling for their ask me’s. If you’re on the side and you hear all the shouting, you would think that everyone’s a mess. But for some reason, it gets the job done.
  • There’s a lot of beeping. And you’ll probably hear them in your sleep. The fry machine beeps. The oven beeps. The CFN fryer beeps. Seriously.
  • If assigned in fries, follow your screen and common sense. Dropping fries is dependent on how many customers you have. No customers? Maybe just one basket just in case. Full house? Drop 6 baskets, listen to the beeps. I’ve seen people drop 2 baskets because their screen said only 4 medium fries. But please look at front counter, there’s a line-up. Look at DT, the cars are lined up. Use your common sense and make sure that you drop the fries in a way that you’re sure that you will be able to cater to the demands of the customers. The last thing you want to hear is, “Waiting fries!”
  • Buy good, non-slip shoes. The first shoes that I’ve bought were from payless and although was good enough for me not to faceplant because of fryer oils on the floor, they weren’t the most comfortable. I knew I needed something that could help me stand for long hours comfortably as well as force some sort of arch to my foot. I settled on a Sketchers non-slip shoes and it has definitely lessened tiredness on my foot after a long shift. Working here includes a lot of walking, bending and standing so make sure that you’re using shoes that are comfortable for you.
  • Always communicate to your team members. We always say in my store, “Guys, communication…”. You already did that iced coffee for the order? Tell your partner so you won’t have duplicates. A pull forward order needs extra ketchup? Tell your runner so they can put it in the bag. A good communication between each members can help make the work flow better.
  • Be a team player. Make sure that you know how to connect to fellow team members and that you can work well with a team. It’s difficult at first to feel like you’re part of the team because everyone has already established a flow around each other. However, the more you incorporate yourself, the more you’ll feel more part of the team.
  • Expect rush hours to be busy. And when I say busy, I mean busy. Where all seats are taken and DT is packed. That’s when you hear all of the shouting and running around. Crew be bumping towards each other and no one cares about those fries on the floor. You’ll hear people complaining in the lobby about waiting for a long time and you’ll see the crew losing their patience. By the time rush hour is done, everyone goes to drink water and savour the down time.

There you are. Hopefully, some of these could help you adjust better to McDonalds. Welcome to the McFamily. 

Losing the Passion?

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

Reading might be one of the most cliched things to write on “What is your hobby?”. I mean, that’s what a lot of people would right in order to look more intelligent than they actually are. Writing, though, is something that you don’t see a lot as answer to that question. What kind of writing? Scribbling? News Writing? The Onion-style writing? People can get confuse and be like, “So… like calligraphy?” and you’re stuck shaking and scratching your head.

Growing up, I’ve always loved reading. Stories, poems, ads… you name it, I would read it. I was always scolded for reading while walking because apparently that messes up with your sight or reading in the dark. I don’t actually remember when I learned how to read. All I know was that I used to stand beside my grandma while she teaches her students how to read then I started helping her teach them how to read. Reading has given me a good way to exercise my imagination as well as broaden my vocabulary. I’ve always aced spelling exams as I knew a lot of words that were probably seen as way beyond my age. My family and friends have always encourage me to read more. My dad and his siblings had lots of books and comics collections which I was free to use (as long as I take care of them). My grandma gave me a list called “Basic Sight Words” which I had to read everyday to enhance my vocabulary.

As I grew older, reading still made me happy and then I found about writing. Or more specifically, journalism. I was in Grade 5 when I was invited to train to be part of the journalism team of my school. I enjoyed it a lot and could see myself doing this for a long time. I didn’t end up being part of the team of that year because my teacher legit sabotaged me (but I’m over it… I guess). The next year, I was chosen to be trained again to be part of the journalism team. This time, I made it. I was preparing to be a feature writer but ended up as the editorial writer.

Every time we would have some writing practices during the training, I was always told that my features were more editorial. I would always have some piece of my opinion injected onto them instead of featuring the topic. In the end, I was chosen as part of the school paper. On the paper, I was credited as a feature writer but I was the one who wrote the editorial. The editor-in-chief was the one who wrote the feature. After the weeklong initial training, we stayed later in the school to start preparing for the city-wide journalism competition. We were competing with most of the schools in the country. I didn’t win and that broke my heart. I took me back to when I was little and also failed to win at a reading contest. Two of my biggest passions and I failed at being the top bitch. Anyways, most of my teammates won the top prizes and our school won the over-all top prize for journalism in English (there was another one for Filipino).

When I entered high school, I was motivated to be part of the school paper. I applied and submitted some of my writings, old and new, to them. I’ve never heard from them that year and when the school paper came out, it was obvious that I didn’t make it. The next year, I applied again. But this time, I was less naive and more aware. I knew the type of people that they’ve accepted and I wasn’t part of that cut. However, I still applied half-knowing that I wouldn’t get into the club anyways. I told myself at that time that if I don’t get in, I would stop trying. I did not get in and I stopped trying.

That same year, I won the Tanaga poster making competition. I’ve beaten the writers from that club and I’ve never been happier. It was an unexpected win as I thought that I wouldn’t have a chance with it because I didn’t make up my mind on what to write until the last 20 minutes of my time. I walked up to my stage and picked up my medal.

A year later, a competition was sponsored by the alumni of our school. It was a writing competition and only the honors and semi-honors students were invited to join. Everyone else were cut off from joining and we had no idea that this existed until the winner was announced on a Monday morning. My friends and I looked at each other, aghast at this inequality. Up there is a guy reading his winning piece while majority of the school body had no idea about this competition. I was pretty sure I wasn’t the only one who felt betrayed and annoyed. Then, another competition sponsored by the same people was announced and this time, it was for everybody. My friends and I decided to join the preliminary part. About a week later, we were called to the Principal’s office to be personally congratulated as we were able to move on to the second and final round of the competition.

On the final round, our Principal gave this long pep talk which I missed most of it as I was late. However, I got to catch the last bit of it. I can never forget his words that up until now I still think about whenever I write something, “Don’t write about what they want to read, write about what you want to say”. With those words in my mind, I wrote what I thought was the most controversial piece of that competition. The topic was ‘I Beliefve…’ and it took me forever to think of what to finish this with. I wish for a better future? I wish to be rich? Then I thought, for all these year, I’ve seen intelligent and talented people in general sections not being given their limelight because the spotlight is always given to the honors’ and semi-honors’ sections. So the essence of my piece was that I believe that the school should not have any sections named as Semi, honors and General Section. As I looked around the room, I see members of the school journalism team and I thought, yikes, with this piece and these trained people, will I get a chance to win?

I won. Second place. Super unexpected and I didn’t exactly know how to react. Here’s a piece that I wrote on behalf of my general section friends. Here’s a piece that I thought they would just put on the side because of how it can be seen as an attack towards treatment of students by the school. As I walked across the stage, in front of the very people who rejected me into the school paper in favour of their peers, I felt a surge of pride. I still had it. I can still write and that rekindled my passion for writing. I knew that this was one path that I would want to walk on and pursue. But my parents had other plans.

I was going to be a nurse, like my mom. I cried and begged them no, but it was nursing or no school. I had no money and was dependent on my parents so I conceded. I took nursing for two miserable years. I can see myself becoming a nurse but I can also see myself not being happy. As years goes by, writing didn’t become my priority anymore and I’ve been abandoning my blog, one of my last connections towards my journalism dream.

As I look at this blog and my other blog (which I had when I was in high school), I could totally see when I started to lose the passion. When I started focusing more on my life and not on myself. Blogging and writing had always been my getaway. As I look at my drafts, I could see half-finished pieces, stories, how-to and memories. It saddens me that there was a time when idea just flow right through me and drafts were merely a way for me to save my progress so that I can finish a blog in a few hours. Now, the draft box has become a graveyard of my non-continuous ideas, writer’s block and loss of hope.

I don’t know if I’m still as passionate in writing as I was before. But writing has already been engraved in me and I couldn’t imagine losing the chance and the ability to write, to be able to convey my feelings. I think the one reason why interest in writing hasn’t been up there lately but because I haven’t been writing. I mean, some people would say that one of the easiest ways to rekindle a relationship is to bond with them again, right? I guess that’s what I have to do. To write more, blog more. Anything under the sun.

23 Years and Counting

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

A few days ago, I celebrated my 23rd birthday. Of all the birthdays that I’ve had, this was the one where I felt the most alone. Although I spent it with my mom, the loss of my grandma still left a void in my heart. I wished that I could have called her and heard her greet me a  “Nak, happy birthday”.

The past year was a whirlwind for me. I moved out of my mom’s house and officially lived alone. I managed to survive by myself in the big city. I was able to move into my own apartment and finally felt an adult. This was also year where I lost the best person in my life, my Grandma. She was my light and everyday, I wish she’s still with me.

This past year had showed me the importance of family. It showed me the importance of the people that I loved. I thought that everyone would be beside me and could see my accomplishments. But that’s not true.

On my 23rd year in this world, I hope to become the better person that I was. To learn more lessons and commit less mistakes. To be more mature and stable. Cheers.

I’m a Strong, Independent Human Being

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

It has been over a year now since I’ve moved out of my mom’s house and live on my own. For the first year, I moved into the school dorm which is not bad. It’s actually a great way to ease myself into being independent. I had a bachelor room which gave me sense of how it is to actually live alone. I cooked my own meals and paid my own bills. I had to do grocery shopping for myself or else I would have nothing to eat. I learned how to handle money and control my spending habits.

Halfway through the year, I felt like I had definitely become accustomed into living alone. For the longest time, I’ve already known that I would want to live by myself rather than have a roommate. I see myself as an outgoing introvert, if that makes any sense. I like keeping to myself most of the time but I also enjoy mingling and socializing with people. When at work, I’m happy and bouncy. However, the moment I get home, I just want a peace of mind and I get to do anything that I want. In the perfect world, I can afford all the luxuries in life. But it’s not and I don’t have a whole lot of money which means that having a roommate is an option that I cannot let go. I have friend for years now who also moved into the city the same time as I did and we talked and talked and eventually decided to rent an apartment together. The apartment we found was perfect in size and location. However, a few days into us moving into the apartment, they found cockroaches which means that instead of August, they told us we could only move in around October. Sucks for me, I had to leave the dorms by 3rd of August.

For two weeks, I was stressed out about the apartment. We decided to not go through with the roommate plan and I started to look for apartments. It was tiring. I was on Kijiji days and nights. I was on FB Market looking for rooms, basements and apartments. I went and visited a whole lot of places to no luck. Some were dingy, one was nice but waaay to far and the other one was just too expensive for what I get. I looked and looked until I found this apartment that was marketed cheaper than many of its counterparts and close to the school that I wanted to go. So I messaged the owner that night, got a reply from him in the morning asking me to call him and a minute later after that, I managed to book a viewing.

The place was perfect for me. Or maybe it was just what the tired me thought. Either way, I still got the apartment. On the day that I did my viewing, I signed papers and the next day, I gave my damage deposit. I couldn’t contain my happiness and called my mom about it. I finally got my own apartment! It’s a one bedroom apartment with all utilities included and the only extra is internet. Plus there’s laundry in the building so it’s not a hassle to wash my clothes at a laundromat.

I’ve been living in this apartment for about two weeks now and I’m just starting to settle. Overall, I feel like I need a badge that says “level two adulting” because I finally got myself my own apartment!!

On Watching Ely Buendia On Stage

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

On Watching Ely Buendia on Stage

One of the best highlights of my 2017 was that I got to watch Ely Buendia play Eraserheads hits onstage. It was probably the first time where I really jammed hard.

image

He was the lead singer of Eraserheads, one of the bands that I listen to regularly. One of my fave songs for them was Ligaya, which he unfortunately did not sing. The one song that I really sang hard to (and everyone else) was Pare Ko. Everyone just sang along to the song especially the best part: “… diba, TANG INA?!!”

image

You know that the concert was amazing because at the end of the night, my voice was super hoarse. But it was worth it. I might not have known all of the songs but it was still a concert to remember. ❤️❤️

image

F*** You Folliculitis

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

A week ago, I suffered unbearable itchiness on my face. Also, tiny lumps that feels disgusting under my palms. On the first day that I realized that I have these tiny lumps on my forehead, I immediately called 811 to ask some initial suggestions on what I have. The lady asked me different questions which all narrow down to questions about measles. I was vaccinated but it still didn’t stop me from thinking that maybe I was one of the very few people where the vaccine just didn’t work.

The next day, I prepared myself to go to the hospital. I didn’t want to go to a clinic because what if it’s something that’s easy communicable? I may need to be isolated for a week from the general public. I drove to the ER because I didn’t want to potentially infect anyone else. I entered ER and the triage nurse asked me what I was in for. I pointed at my face which is now full of red dots and he said, “Acne?” And I was almost like, “Yes, I went to ER for acne”. But no, I was feeling itchy and feverish so I told him, “I think it’s an allergic reaction because I have it on my arm too”. He asked me to sit down for a while and I waited for my name to be called. About 10 minutes later, another triage nurse called me in for my vitals to be taken and she immediately though I had chicken pox. I am 80% sure I haven’t had chicken pox yet because my mom said I didn’t have it as a kid but my grandma said I did. So I was isolated in to a room and I was texting and updating my dad about what is happening.

The doctors came in the room and looked at my dots on my face, arms, chest and back. He asked, “Did you tell them you have chicken pox?” and I was like, “No, the lady (nurse) did”. Ultimately, it wasn’t chicken pox and measles. He said the dots looks very different from chicken pox and he said I may have folliculitis, inflammation of the follicles. It just so happened that they decided to inflame on my face. Anyways, he prescribed me a topical and oral antibiotic.

The next few days felt like years to me. I refused to go out of my dorm room because I was so ashamed of my own face. There were tiny red dots and many white bumps. I’m one of those people who feel disgusted when seeing tiny circles in such close proximity from each other. Unfortunately, that’s what happened to my face. I would wake up in the morning and I can’t even directly touch my own face because the tiny dots felt so disgusting under my palms. I had to use a wash cloth and gently press it on my face. I would apply the topical medicine thrice a day on my face and body. For four days, this was what I did. By the fifth day, the bumps started to dry out and one by one, they started to fall off. I have this tendency to pick on my face but this time, I tried my hardest not to or else it’s gonna create some holes on my face. I’m vain like that.

By the end of 7 days (the duration of my antibiotic treatment), my face felt smoother and the last of the bumps had dried out already. It’s flat now and not like some mountainous terrain. I feel my confidence coming back and I know that I can finally get out of my room and get my parcel from the lobby. It’s been there for four days and I refused to go down and show my face to anyone.

For those seven days, I finally understand how some people with severe acne gets some low confidence. For those few days, I would look at my face and pity myself. I was just about ready to quit my job and go home if it didn’t clear up by the end of 7 days. Thankfully it did and I was able to return to my job two days after I finished my medication.

Growing up, I’ve always had bad acne especially on my forehead and chin area. I learned to just love myself and not care about the pimples that just show up on the middle of my face. But for the past few years, I’ve had less acne and the scars were already starting to heal and I was finally feeling a tad bit pretty. When this happened, I thought it was gonna be the end of my world. But then I hyped myself up and just reminded myself of my dreams. All of those can’t be achieved if I just decided to hole myself inside my dorm room.

Anyways, I have dark spots on my forehead and pretty much my whole chin. Some people suggested I wear foundation but I don’t want to. I don’t like wearing make-up because I sweat easy and you’ll just see water streaks. Also, my face is still healing and I don’t want to irritate it and get more redness. For now, I’m just using some gentle cleanser and tone correcting moisturizer. This whole ordeal made me realize that I really am vain.

On How a Murder Podcast Helped Me With My Anxiety

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

I’ve had a couple of posts about my anxiety. I’m not ashamed of it and quite open about the fact that I’ve been to therapy and is taking medicine for it. However, this has not always been the case. For a few years, I’ve struggled with my anxiety without even knowing about it because mental health was not exactly a very interesting topic in the Philippines. However, when I came to Canada, I see flyers regarding anxiety and depression and all these mental health awareness things that made think that maybe, just maybe, I need some help for my mental health. And yep, I did.

600x600bb

My Favorite Murder is a murder-comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kalgariff and Georgia Hardstark (featuring the kitties and Steveeeeeen). They’ve been on air for over a year now and I’ve listened to them since April of 2016. I don’t know how I ended up choosing this podcast as my background sound when I was cramming for my Organic Chemistry final exam but I’m glad I did. These two ladies are so fun to listen to and hearing ooooohhh, ahhhh and some profanities from them when listening to the other’s murder story is refreshing. I like that they don’t filter anything in their podcast and they just say whatever is on their mind.

murder0796-recovered

Karen and Georgia have been known to be open about some of their struggles with drugs and mental health. The first time I’ve heard them talked about it, I was shocked because I’ve never heard someone talked about anxiety and depression as lightly as they did. The more I listened to their episodes, the better I felt with my anxiety because heyyyyy, it’s not just me. I’ve read countless of articles about anxiety but listening to people who has it and is taking medicines for it made a big impact for me. When I heard them talk about the medicines that they take and the therapies that they’ve done, it made me ask myself, “Should I give it a try?”. I did give it a try and went to therapy. I was on the edge with almost no way of coming back up but I managed to pull myself slightly farther from the edge and forced myself to therapy. I bared my heart and dug some emotions I didn’t know I was hiding for so long. Therapy was good but my therapist suggested taking some medicines. The thought of taking medicines scared me but I knew that it could help me and it did! I love it and it sort of curbed most of my anxiety away. I know it’s not gonna remove it completely but I can actually function and not be scared most of the time about anxiety attacks.

My Favorite Murder is more than just a podcast for me. These ladies have helped me face my anxiety in the face and address it. They helped me stepped onto the therapist’s office and go to the pharmacy to get my medicines. They showed me that my mental health issues is not something to be ashamed of. Well I don’t exactly go around the room and tell everyone I have anxiety but I’m also not scared of telling people that I do have anxiety when they ask about it.

Thank you Karen and Georgia for the podcast (you too,  Steven and kitties). Stay sexy and don’t get murdered.

 

On (Slowly) Losing my Friends

~ Amerl ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been living in Canada for over four years now. I was told by a lot of people that the longer you stay outside the country, the less friends you get to keep in the Philippines. I thought that was bullocks because my friends and I promised each other to communicate often. I was a silly girl.

On my first few months, there were definitely some communications going on. It was mostly on Facebook and Viber. We would chat on FB messenger and have some group message going on. Slowly though, I realize that I was the first one that would approach them. If I don’t say hi, I would never get any message. After a year, I started to wait for them to contact me. There were definitely a few, but it started getting less and less until I don’t chat with anyone anymore. So I sort of started to reach out to them again but it was all futile because I was mostly the one handling the conversation. I didn’t want to strain any friendship I have with my close friends but this distance that they’re putting is enough for me to back off.

I’m still friends with them on FB and follows them on IG. I would like their posts but rarely comment. There’s the occasional ‘Congrats’ and ‘Happy Birthday’ but that’s it. I used to post these lengthy-ass FB birthday posts and reading them on my FB memories when they pop-up gives me such bittersweet feeling. At some point, these people were my friends, my confidants and partners-in-crime. Now, we’re mostly just colleagues with some good memories.